Category Archives: Random

The ones you will read in this category will probably be about my current situations wherein I cannot find the right words to write about that’s why I decided to make it into an essay form. Most things here will be quite lengthy, so good luck reading! Hope I’ll be of sense.

Absent

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I haven’t been myself lately. Since Puma’s passing, I feel like I lost a huge amount of joy in my heart. Although I acknowledge the fact that I should be projecting my energy to other things now, my soul just doesn’t feel whole.

There are so many things that are bothering me once again. I am so demotivated in life in general right now. Tho I try to divert my attention to things that may make me happy, nothing just feels right.

I am grieving for our beloved Puma’s departure, but I don’t know how to cope with it. I know deep inside it should hurt, but my emotions just don’t feel anything.

22

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Jeez, I haven’t been this *genuinely* happy for quite some time. Not that I wasn’t contented with everything I have, nor was I enjoying dwelling on my anxieties, but you know, just that phase in our lives where we go through existential crisis and depression would hit us hard. It may not seem obvious to me, but I was stuck there until just recently when I stepped into a new chapter of my life. It took me years before I finally felt completely happy again – deep down in my heart kind of happy. Imagine that.

My point is, whatever you are going through, please keep doing what you’re doing. A lot of things don’t make sense right now, but someday when you get to where you’re supposed to be, it will all add up. All that struggle is just part of the process to equip you for something bigger; that hardship is not supposed to break you, it is to expand your capabilities. Don’t you dare to give up, my friend! You’re getting closer. Above all else, be patient with yourself. The right people will come to find you. For now as you struggle to seek the meaning of your battles, learn to find peace in your own solitude.

Don’t let yourself get stuck in the mud of your sorrows. You will be happy again. Work on it.

Just breathe.

Insensitive People

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It’s surprising how some people could be so insensitive with their words. How could they sleep so soundly knowing someone is bleeding because of the cutting words they uttered. Incredulously I ponder on how could they just move on and act as if nothing and no one was damaged by their words; how could they think that someone can just let it go. Those people, those fucking insensitive people. I can’t imagine there are some as such exists.

Blank

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Is this how life is going to be? You will, for the rest of your life, restlessly find motivation in doing your job that you don’t even like just to survive? Will I be stuck in forcing myself to love what I am doing, but deep down there’s always a part of me that wishes I should have taken another course to which I am certain I would have enjoyed?

Will I ever find contentment in this? Will I ever learn to be happy doing something I did not want in the first place? Am I tiring myself to gain experience for something I know I won’t pursue?

Jeez. Life.

Doubts

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Cluelessly wandering in the path I did not even know existed – an undirected journey which I keep believing someday will have a destination that has its own treasure.

I may be doubting the steps my feet are making right now, but I know some kind energy in this universe led me here. My heart may not be so convinced that someday I’ll look back to this and it will all make perfect sense, but I want to believe that this teaches me something that no other experience in life will do.

Efforts and exhaustion may not be worth of how much I get back, I will find reassurance and comfort in God for I know that in His name, nothing is ever forsaken.

But hey, I am just a human being. I get fed up with my emotions. My doubt weakens me, too. I can be optimistic about my future, but I also get tired of the mundane present I least wanted doing.