Doubts

Cluelessly wandering in the path I did not even know existed – an undirected journey which I keep believing someday will have a destination that has its own treasure.

I may be doubting the steps my feet are making right now, but I know some kind energy in this universe led me here. My heart may not be so convinced that someday I’ll look back to this and it will all make perfect sense, but I want to believe that this teaches me something that no other experience in life will do.

Efforts and exhaustion may not be worth of how much I get back, I will find reassurance and comfort in God for I know that in His name, nothing is ever forsaken.

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But hey, I am just a human being. I get fed up with my emotions. My doubt weakens me, too. I can be optimistic about my future, but I also get tired of the mundane present I least wanted doing.

Existential Crisis

What do I want? Where am I going? Who do I want to be? Who am I?

What’s Ahead

2020,

So far you’re not doing me good.

Year Anew

Mon amour:

How I wish I could spend this night with you; celebrating, sharing new happy memories ending and staring a year anew. I wish we could share your pain; be by your side, your shoulder to cry on, your strength while everything seems to suck out every happiness in you like a dementor kissing your soul. I can barely say ‘Happy New Year’ to others; I want to be sure of your happiness first. Instead, I wish everybody else a Prosperous New Year just as I pray for you to have an abundant year ahead, most especially in your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. I’m sorry that I can’t be there physically; I could only pray for what’s best for y’all. We may not be together tonight, but my heart and my soul are with you. Always with you. Things may be a mystery for now, but in God’s perfect time, we will understand everything that’s happening.

Sending you all my love.

Choice

My heart I poured
Only to you I gave it all,
Then you said I should learn
To be happy even without you;
What you don’t know is that
I can be happy in your absence,
But I always choose to be happier
Whenever I’m with you;
You said I should learn
To enjoy myself alone,
Don’t you know I’ve mastered that
Long ago when I didn’t need you;
You said I’ve got nothing –
Nothing to hold on to
But there a lot of people who love me
Different forms of love
I can liberately choose over you,
But because I love you
No matter how painful it is for me,
I choose you over and over
As my top priority,
And if in the end you don’t see it still
I won’t try to push it anymore
For I’ve given up so much for us
I’ve given up so much for this love

Ideal

We make an ideal concept out of someone whom we think could fit the qualities perfectly.

But isn’t it even more admirable when the same person show you their true wonderful self and prove you that there is no such thing as your ‘ideal’ person?

At the end of the day, each of us is beautiful in our own way; embracing our flaws is what makes us even more than a concept.

Haiku 10

Moon lights up at night

Sometimes it gets clouded up

So as my hopes too

Birthday

Today, don’t just celebrate me because it’s my birthday; more importantly so, celebrate my mother for she has had the strength to deliver me to this world with her life on the line; carried me nine months; sets me and our whole family first before herself; sacrificed everything that’s hers to give us what we want and what we needed; and for the two decades of my existence, she never missed a single thing in my life. My consistent supporter.

Substance

For years I have been habitually writing (and blogging), I learned that it does not really matter how good your penmanship is or how aesthetic your posts look; in the end, what matters is the content of your article.

Same in reality:

It is okay if you are not the prettiest or the most handsome. Your imperfections does not matter; it is normal. What’s important is your substance: your wisdom, your intellect, your values.

Not Everybody Has Both

There will be someone who might hurt you multiple times in your life and never will it occur to you of leaving them — but that doesn’t mean they’ll do the same for you.

You give and give and give, but you must not expect anything in return.

Because it takes a strong heart to forgive;

A courageous heart to give chances.

But not everybody has both.